A long rambling blog about the reasons my life has taken a dramatic (maybe that is too strong of a word--sudden, unexpected, yeah lets go with that) A long rambling blog about the reasons my life has taken a sudden, unexpected turn.
When I took the library job with the city I did it with my eyes wide open. I had worked for the bureaucratic beast that is Milwaukee Public Library two decades prior and I understood how inflexible that organization is. I was pleasantly surprised that as a branch librarian there is more variation in what you do. It is a smaller sub team and each person has strengths and weaknesses. I discovered that I’m quite happy to help folks bridge the digital divide. I didn’t save lives, but in small and (to the patrons) vital ways I made their life better. “You are awesome” “You are a life saver” “I appreciate you” “Thank you” “Have a blessed day” The job at times is quite rewarding. I like helping folks who are frustrated by technology and managing to get them to laugh, because computers and printers and scanners are stupid, and the way to use them is something that you can not know, until you know.
That being said when I got transferred to the southside and went from a 5 minute drive (or 19 minute walking) commute to a 20-40 (pre covid) 16-25 (post covid) driving commute I was not happy. I still think my being moved had nothing to do with me or my talents. I was better suited for the library where I started. My first winter at the new branch was hard. Too much driving in the dark, too many unfamiliar things and I got the overall impression that my predecessor was missed more than I was welcomed. I was just starting to sort of come into my own at that branch when the pandemic hit and we were shut down for five months. Five months of working from home and spending way too much time doing training videos, and creating resources that were mostly ignored and never used (everything had to go through levels of administrative approval) and doing online library programs that seemed to mostly be attended by other librarians. August 2020 we finally came back into our building with all sorts of crazy restrictions and safety theater procedures. Our branch had to move to curb side to accommodate early voting, and then we were open, and then covid surged and we went curbside-only again, and then we opened, and then our parking lot and courtyard were redone. So about every four months what door you could come into and how much you could do when inside changed. We lost a lot of patrons to the more open suburban libraries and I’m not sure if we will ever get them back.
Finally last summer the administration decided that folks were not going to die a terrible death if we let them browse the shelves for their own books; and apart from the masks that are still required in all city buildings, and the security guard hired to make sure you keep your mask above your nose, and firm rules about unattended children, it is almost normal.
During a library all-staff town hall zoom meeting last winter plans for getting the staff vaccinated was discussed. In the open forum of the meeting, some staff said that getting the shot should be mandated, but the administration quickly said no such thing would happen, that each person should learn and talk to their doctor and do what that person thought was best. It was not the city's place to mandate such a thing. I believed them. Most library staff were able to get a vaccine quite early, because we had a deal with the health department that at the end of the day, if there were leftover doses from folks that didn’t show for their appointment, they would call a library branch and staff at that location could come downtown and get the leftover shots while supplies lasted--I was visiting my folks across the state when my branch got the call.
My manager, knowing there may be some strong feelings about the vaccine, announced early on that our thoughts and decisions about the vaccine were personal, and he didn’t want us talking or arguing about it. I really appreciated that gag rule. There are a lot of reasons I don’t want the vaccine, among them is the use of fetal stem cells in the creation, testing and in one, the production of the vaccine. This is something I am deeply morally opposed to.
That is how it went until the FDA approved one of the shots, and then two days later the city announced the mandate. Every time the mandate was mentioned it was quickly followed by the statement that staff could apply for a religious or medical accommodation. It is true you can apply for such a thing. But that does not mean that the city will actually grant you an accommodation. Feel free to ask, but they can say no and there is nothing you can do about that. On the form where they rejected my accommodation request there is a line to fill in that says, “Date discussed with employee.” They filled that line in with “emailed on October 7th.” Since when does sending me an email that says “Attached please find the decision regarding your request for an exemption to the City’s vaccine requirement” constitute a discussion with me? When I emailed follow up questions about benefits during a time I might be suspended the response was an email saying, “Please let me know whether you intend to comply or not, so I can take the necessary next step, namely the scheduling of a pre-disciplinary meeting in order to determine what, if any, disciplinary action you would face. I would like to schedule that on 10/27 or 10/28 before the Vax deadline.” I wrote back to make it very clear that I am quite willing to be regularly tested to assure the library I am covid free. A day later I got my answer, “Your compliance with the vaccine mandate is clear. The request for accommodation has been denied.”
So it goes. The mandate is written as a qualifying requirement for working for the city. It is done the same way the old residency requirements were done, so barring a city rule change or an intervention from the state (as was done with the old residency requirement) if I don’t resign I will be let go as no longer meeting the qualifications for the job. My research lead me to believe that there is no way for my job to end that would let me collect unemployment benefits. I’ve chosen to resign. The rather dismissive way the administration has dealt with me left me feeling deflated. As the old saying goes, you can’t fight city hall. Also by resigning I leave in good standing and if sometime in the future the city comes to its senses and realizes that my being unvaccinated does not pose “a direct threat to public safety” I can come back picking up where I left off in salary, benefits and seniority.
So now what? What indeed? I have very mixed feelings. I truly loved the job. I believe in the mission and purpose of the library. It feels strange that for the first time since March of 1996, when I started as a part time “limited personal” circulation worker at the Medical College of Wisconsin, I am not associated with a library.
For now the plan is to take six months and see if we can live okay on what Mr. Gaba brings in. He has been very kind and supportive in all this. As for me, I will be a housewife and focus on writing. I also plan to make use of the amazing resources Milwaukee Public Library has to offer. I mean, why not? There is no rule (so far) prohibiting me from going into their buildings. Similar in illogic to how it’s “safe” to take your mask off if you are sitting at a table with food in front of you, I’m only considered a danger to others in the library if the city is giving me a paycheck. This is all going to be a major shift in my thinking and my use of time but I believe that God will work this all out for His good.
